the IPW logo.
opens up in a small room. There's two people in the room.. One is
sitting, and the other is pacing around. The person sitting is
Jesus, Carlito's bodyguard. So that would make the person pacing
back and forth Carlito himself. Yep, that's it.
" Tellin' you somethin'
Jesus .. Dis' ain't good.
Carlito, you're overreacting again. I told you he didn't mean it
that way! "
" Carlito didn't overreact!
overreacting ain't cool.. And Carlito .. Carlito is cool. But
according to CM Punk ... Carlito is something else, too. "
shakes his head and stops. He puts his hands on his hips wondering
about something. Jesus stands up and walks to Carlito.
I'm telling you he didn't mean it that way... And if he did look
who's talking, right? The dude has a pepsi logo as a tattoo, now how
fruity is that? "
nods his head.
" Yer right, yer right...
Pepsi tattoo.. Now das' not only uncool... Das' feminine stuff right
there. CM Punk says Straight Edge means he's better den' Carlito ..
Nobody is better den' Carlito .. Carlito will show CM Punk soon.
Watch and see Jesus .. Watch and see. "
opens up and out walks two men.
" Okay, Ken... You come back
tomorrow and we'll continue what we were speaking about just now.
And remember, everything will be alright. Anyway... Carlito is it?
You're next. Come on in. "
guy walks off and the other one walks back into the room he came
from. Carlito and Jesus walks to the door, where the man looks and
then stops them.
" Sorry, no more than one
person can be in here at the same time with me. It's just a policy,
besides, only getting paid by one person here. "
turns to Jesus.
" It's ok Jesus... Carlito
will handle dis' alone. See you after... "
walks back to his chair and sits, a bit disappointed. Carlito walks
in and he closes the door.
" Okay, Carlito ... Have a
seat or you can lay down, whichever makes you most comfortable. "
walks to a chair and sits and the man does as well.
" Okay, we're ready. I'm Dr.
Foltz but you can call me Richard if you prefer. I'm reading here
that your problem is that you think it's possible that you're ..
Uhm, well, a homosexual? "
stands up and is angered by the doctor's comments.
" What?! Who said dat?!
Carlito is not homosexual... Carlito likes da ladies! "
" Okay, okay, calm down sir
.. Take a deep breath and a seat. "
breaths in and then out, and then sits.
" Okay, so .. What's the
" Okay, okay... It's like
dis... Carlito is a wrestler in da' IPW. The best one ever, he might
add... But dere's dis wrestler CM Punk who think he's better den
Carlito. Like dat can happen... Nobody is better den Carlito! "
therapist eyes widen up.. He can't believe what Carlito is telling
him, and is well, quite confused to say the least.
" And the other night .. He
said dat the reason he's better den' Carlito is because he's ..
straight .. edge. Carlito don't know what dat means man... Because
CM Punk.. never makes any sense. But den Carlito got it.. Carlito
listened to him a few more times .. and Carlito knows CM Punk thinks
he's .. straight .. and Carlito .. is not. "
therapist nods his head as he's writing this all down. Of course, he
still thinks Carlito is crazy.
" I see... go on. "
" Carlito wants to know why
.. CM Punk thinks he's gay. I mean don't get me wrong, Rich...
Carlito have no problem with gay people.. Well other den' the fact
dey aren't as cool as Carlito .. But still .. Carlito is not gay.
Carlito don't like guys... He like apples ... But not dose' kind!! "
" Uh, wow... That's just ..
This is definitely a first. I've never had a .. man like yourself
come in and question whether he's a homosexual or not based on
someone's opinion... Or.. rather, not think he's a homosexual but
still be effected by this other man's comments. Perhaps he's correct
though, Carlito. Have you ever thought of that? "
" What do you mean correct?!
" I mean, maybe the reason
you think he's calling you.. In your own words.. Not straight, is
because well.. You're not. So you've came to me to find out if you
are or if you are not. Correct? "
" Uh .. Carlito likes women!
" Are you married? "
" No, Carlito is not
" Girlfriend? "
" Girlfriend? Carlito don't
have time for a girlfriend... Carlito is a wrestler .. He's too
busy beating his opponents. "
stands up and walks around his desk and sits on it. He nods his
" Ahh, I see. So you're a
wrestler without a wife or a girlfriend. "
" Das' right.. Das' the way
Carlito likes it! "
" You do understand though,
that you're not with a woman... And you prefer to be with other
sweaty men? You prefer to bodyslam other males instead of sleeping
with a woman. "
" WHAT?! "
" Calm down... Calm down.
Maybe this... CM Punk guy is right, you know? Maybe he is married,
or has a girlfriend. That's why he feels the need to call himself
Straight Edge, and you're not. I think this guy has a point now that
I think of it. Maybe we should call him in and we can settle this
once and for all? "
angered and he stands up... Uh oh, what is he gonna do?
" You think CM Punk is
right?! Das not cool .. Das VERY... VERY.. UNCOOL! Carlito says..
dat .. dat .. you're wrong! "
" Well, based on what you
told me Carlito .. That's how it seems. Care to explain some more
then? Maybe you should tell me more about this match with CM Punk.
Why is it so important to you? "
" Carlito can do dat... Dis
match is important because it's only the beginning.. of Carlito's
great career with IPW. When Carlito beats CM Punk.. He's gonna
be in da' intercontinental tournament. A tournament he's gonna
win... A tournament that will give Carlito... what he wants.. and
das' da gold. Once Carlito has dat' title around his waist, Rich..
He's gonna be known as da' best champion in the whole IPW .. And
das' cool. "
therapist begins writing more notes down as Carlito is talking.
" You know ... Champions are
cool. Think about it, man... NBA .. Da' Lakers were great
champions.. Baseball .. dey' got the Yankee's .. Da' Redsox ... NFL
... dey' got .. ahh, who cares.. You know why Carlito says that?
Because no matter who da' champion is... Football champions ..
Baseball Champions .. Dey ain't better den' Carlito! Because
Carlito, whenever he's da champion... He's better den any of the
great champion of all time! CM Punk on da' other hand .. He's not
better den of any them. Carlito is known world wide as da' best
champion ever.. as da first ever APW champion .. as the WWE United
States Champion .. and da' WWE Intercontinental Champion .. What is
CM Punk known for? Nothin' at all .. hell .. most people don't know
who CM Punk is! And dat only means one thing... CM Punk .. he's
below all da' great champions .. he's below .. Carlito...
Caribbean.. Cool! "
therapist is still writing things down.. Although, still thinking
Carlito is quite.. strange.
" You think Carlito
bodyslams sweaty wrestlers... and he enjoys dat? Nah .. Carlito
don't do it .. because of da guys .. of da males .. Carlito beats
his opponent because he can. Because it's his job .. It's the way he
gets to be da best.. as for da ladies .. Dey all get their time to
be with Carlito, believe me.. Carlito gets all the ladies he wants
and he wins his matches.. And das' better den anything CM Punk has.
He's Straight Edge.... Well Carlito is Straight... and Carlito
wins.. Das' what he does for a living! and das' why .. Carlito is
better den him! But you know what... Rich... Das not the only
reasons Carlito is better den' CM Punk... Dere's a real big one that
stands out .. more than any of dem'. "
" And what is that, Carlito?
stands up and takes an apple out of his pocket.. He begins walking
up to the desk.
" Carlito .... is .... Cool!
CM Punk isn't cool .. And dat angers Carlito .. Because Carlito
spits in da' face of people who don't want to be cool! "
" Is that so? Well, I don't
consider myself cool, Carlito. I consider myself a very good doctor
and a great therapist. I help a lot of people without being cool. "
smirks and looks around.
" Is dat so? Den' Carlito
has an offer for you... dat you can't refuse. After Carlito is done
.. beating da' hell out of his opponent CM Punk... and proving to
him dat he's not straighter .. and he's not better den' carlito ..
Carlito wants you.. to help .. CM Punk... "
" As long as he pays. "
" Oh CM Punk will pay...
trust Carlito ... CM Punk will pay a whole lot .. Now it's time for
Carlito pay you. "
takes some money out of his pocket and throws it on his desk.
" .. And since you put
Carlito in a better mood ... Carlito will give you a tip .. "
" Now that's just wonderful.
See, you don't have to be cool to be good at my job. "
" ... Das' what you think
bites his apple.. and then spits it in the doctor's face!!! What
NOW DAS ...... COOOOOOL!
walks out of the office and meets back up with Jesus.
So what's the update, boss?!? You a fudgepacker now? Ha Ha Ha... "
stops... And he looks to Jesus with an angry face. Now that wasn't a
smart comment at all.
" Das it.... Yer' walkin'
walks out of the room and Jesus shakes his head and looks down. Oh
well... The camera fades off now.