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rp number: 01  record: 00-00-00

next match: singles match for last spot in intercontinental tournament
carlito vs. cm punk

Fade up the IPW logo.

The scene opens up in the day light on a road. Where are we? Looks like the middle of no where. However, we do see a car. It doesn't look like much.. Infact, it's pretty much a piece of crap. The camera's zoom in and we see Carlito Caribbean Cool inside the car, on the passengers side. On the drivers side it's Jesus, Carlito's friend and apparently his bodyguard once again.

" Ahhh, Jesus! Carlito told you dis' car was not cool! And now look! NOW LOOK!! Dis is .. dis is horrible! "

" Sorry, boss, I really am.... "

" You think sorry makes the car run, Jesus?! DO YOU?! "

Uh oh. Carlito is really angry and he's taking it out on Jesus.

" No.... uh .. sorry anyways? "

Carlito apparently begins to cool down, realizing being angry isn't going to solve a thing. We need to find out why this happened.

" Dis ain't helping.. We need to find out why dis' car isn't running.. "

" I'm not sure what it is boss... But you know what? "

" What? "

" I think it'd help some if there was gas in the car. Look, it says the tank is empty. "

Jesus points and Carlito looks, seeing that Jesus was right. Boy, this Jesus really isn't that bright, huh? Carlito appears to to be getting angry again.

" Das' .. not .. cool! JESUS! How long did you know da' tank was empty?! "

" Well ... Let's see ... I noticed it was pretty low uh .. About 10 miles ago? "

" Das' it, get outta the car! Now!! "

Jesus and Carlito open up their doors and step out of the car. Carlito shuts his door and walks over to Jesus' side.

" Because of you .. Carlito is stuck in da middle of no where! Dis is unacceptable, Jesus! Dis is.. Dis is just .. not .. cool! "

Jesus puts his head down and is quite ashamed but really who wouldn't be? Carlito paces back and forth desperately awaiting another car to drive down the road.

" Where are dey?! Hot sunny day ... No rain ... Dis is da perfect day to uh .. uh .. you know, pick up hitchhikers. Da' would be da' cool thing to do, right Jesus?! "

" But why would people randomly pick up hitchhikers on a beautiful day like this? They have all other choices like going to the beach or the zoo or even swim in the swimming pool!!! ... Hey did that rhyme? "

" .. DAS .. NOT .. COOL .. YOU BIG ... BIG ... JUST SHUT UP, CARLITO DOESN'T WANT TO HEAR YOU ANYMORE! Dis is not good and you know it! You know who you're like... My first opponent for IPW.... CM Punk. What he is .. it's all in his name already. He's a punk.... And Carlito don't like punks.... Punks .. are not .. cool .. And right now Jesus... YOU ARE A PUNK! "

Carlito is fuming by Jesus' not being to .. Well, bright. Perhaps the sun is just too much for him. Who knows? Anyhow, Jesus stays quiet. Carlito continues to pace. This goes on for literally about 15 to 20 minutes. After the time passes Carlito speaks.

" Carlito is.. thirsty.. Carlito in need ... of apple ..... Carlito need .. no more .. sun. Sun ain't cool .... TOO MUCH SUN!! Carlito would do anything to be in da ring .. Wrestling on Total Impact Tuesday ... Beating the hell outta his opponent CM Punk.. Winning ... but instead Carlito's here in the hot sun. "

All of a sudden.. To stop Carlito dead in his tracks the theme to mission impossible plays. Not really the real version, more like a midi version of it. Carlito is quite confused.

" NOW DAS' COOL!! TOM CRUISE HAS COME TO SAVE US JESUS!! "

Jesus then puts his hand into his pocket and pulls out a black little object. It flips open and Jesus talks. Holyshit, it's a freakin' cellphone! .. Nice ring tone, buddy.

" 'Sup? ... Hey baby ... Mmm, baby... That sounds hott... What're you wearing? .... Mmm .. Me? I'm .. I'm wearing nothin', you know that by now baby... "

Carlito's eyes are wide open. He walks to Jesus and is pretty much in disbelief.

" I think we should meet up for sure, baby... yeah..... I'll see you then .. aww baby do I have to? I'm infront of my friends... Fine, fine .. MUAAAH!  Bye baby! "

Jesus has a big grin on his face. Carlito still is in disbelief as he's standing there.. Frozen.

" ... What I do? "

" Carlito wants to know..... what was dat .... you were using? WHY WERE YOU TALKING TO AN OBJECT?! "

" It's not just an object, it's a cell phone.. You talk to people on it. "

" Carlito knows what it is dummy.. Why didn't you tell Carlito you had a cell phone on you?! Carlito could have been out of this dump by now! "

" I would have but you told me to shut up awhile ago, remember? "

" GIVE IT TO ME YOU BIG GORILLA! DAS NOT COOL AND YOU KNOW IT! "

Carlito takes the cell phone from Jesus and walks away as he dials a number. Few minutes pass up and Carlito walks back to Jesus.

" A tow truck is on it's way ... He gon' take us to a gas station.. We're gonna get gas now give Carlito the money! "

Jesus blinks and then sort of just.. Looks away.

" What now? "

Jesus looks back to Carlito.

" Remember uh .. that girl I was talking to on the phone? "

" Uh sure .. she wasn't cool .. Carlito don't like girls dat like big dummies like Jesus. "

" Well... I met her last night and uh.. I sort of used all the gas money on my number one hoochie! She's so great though! She's great with her hands!! "

" YEAH AND CARLITO IS GREAT WITH HIS BOOT NOW GET OUTTA HIS FACE! CARLITO SPITS IN THE FACE OF PEOPLE WHO USES HIS GAS MONEY!! "

Oh boy this Jesus just isn't on top of his game today! He walks off with his head down and Carlito paces around again, waiting for the tow truck. Minutes pass, and then an hour. Finally the tow truck arrives. All the usual towing happens here and finally, their ready to leave. Carlito walks to the passenger's side to sit and Jesus walks to the back of the truck to get in.. But Carlito speaks.

" What are you doing, Jesus!? "

" I'm going with you! "

" No ya' not... You're not cool to Carlito anymore.. Not today anyway.. Carlito says you need to stay out here in da' middle of no wheres... or walk home yourself.. Now das'... das' gonna be cool. Have fun with your hoochie now. "

Carlito gets in and it drives off, leaving Jesus standing in the middle of the road with his head down. Aww, poor fella'. Oh well, next time he'll just have to keep it in his pants and learn how to not spend gas money on women. Anyway, hours pass. It's now getting a little bit dark out. It's night time. The tow truck is now parked inside the gas station by a gas pump so the car is close to it. The tow truck drives off and Carlito walks into the gas station. He looks around and has a weird look on his face s if he's disgusted.

" Dis place stinks... Das' not cool! Carlito don't like it .. When 'da place he's at .. Smells worse den' a whale .. or a cow or something like dat. Perhaps dis is the way my opponent smells, cause really .. dat dude don't look like he's taken a shower in months .. heck .. years. Showers are good for you... and him not taking dem ever .. das' not cool. "

Carlito walks to the man behind the cash register. He appears to be in his twenty's and has quite a bit of tattoos and piercing everywhere.

" White trash losers... look at you.. Some young punk who decides dat his own flesh isn't good enough .. So you get inked up all ova' da' place. What is dat on your arm... a kitty cat? "

The guy stares at Carlito oddly.

" Kitty cat? There aren't any animals tattooed on me.. What the hell kind of drugs you on man? "

" Drugs? No drugs... Drugs aren't cool.. Are you on drugs? Looks like you are... And Carlito knows CM Punk don't like drugs, but we all know .. Punks .. dey' don't tell the truth. Just like you... you are a punk. You're lying.. Das' a kitty cat... admit it.. You're a little kid on da inside, still loving little kitties and loving to go to da' zoo. You have a soft spot for animals.. but you hide it don't you.. you hide da' fact you have a soft heart.. you hide da' real you behind those tattoos. "

The guy looks pretty pissed off, about to go off on Carlito.... Then he all of a sudden looks down.. What the hell?

" ... You're right, I do have a secret .. and I use my tattoos to hide it!! "

Carlito shakes his head and laughs.

" Now das' just pathetic! Carlito was only guessing .. And Carlito was right?! Hahaha... Das' because Carlito knows everything. So people .. Dey' can hide behind tattoos .. Well it looks like CM Punk does just dat .. but what is he hiding? Ahhh who cares.. Carlito don't. Infact.. Carlito is hungry.. .Carlito is dying of thirst.. He'll be right back.. While I'm gone go fiill up da' gas tank at number 4. "

The guy nods and Carlito walks away. He walks to the back of the store where they keep drinks. He looks around and seems a little outraged now.

" What da hell?! Dis ain't cool... Carlito only can see .. pepsi .. products .. NOW DAS' NOT COOL!! Don't CM Punk .. Have some sort of obsessive relationship .. with Pepsi? I think he even calls his finisher .. Da' Pepsi .. something. Maybe da' Pepsi Bottle or something, who knows. Either way Carlito .. won't lose to dat move .. Carlito won't lose to any move. Maybe Carlito will try pepsi though .. Perhaps it's .. good .. Perhaps .... it's cool. "

He opens the freezer door and goes to grab a pepsi. However, now he's confused. His hand goes to the left on regular pepsi... But then he see's Pepsi One .. Then his hand moves to Cherry Pepsi .. And to Vanilla Pepsi .. Carlito is just plain confused.

" So many pepsi's .. what's dis about?! Carlito thinks Pepsi needs to just be dem'selves ... Looks like dey' are trying to hide.. behind different flavors, because the regular kind .. it's not cool. OOOOH ... CARLITO UNDERSTANDS NOW!! "

Carlito looks as if he just figured out something huge.. What did he figure out?! A new pepsi flavor, perhaps?

" No wonder CM Punk is obsessed over dis stuff... He hides behind his tattoos... And Pepsi hides behind flavors! DAS' IT!!! Pepsi and CM Punk are alike in many, many ways .. Carlito thinks CM Punk.. Should just change his name to CM Pepsi .. or CM Pepsi Vanilla .. or maybe even CM Cherry Pepsi ... Ahh who cares .. All dese different kinds of pepsi's .. Where da' heck is pepsi apple?! .. Das' so not cool .. Carlito ain't thirsty anymore. "

Carlito shakes his head and walks to another isle. He spots some banana's and next to them.. apples! He grabs an apple and doesn't even wait a second, he bites into it and chews it. He then swallows.

" It's about time ... Carlito misses eating you, Mr. Apple .. Now Carlito needs to get out of dis place, it stinks .. "

Carlito goes to walk out of the door but the cashier speaks.

" Hey you have to pay for that! And for the gas too, mister! "

Carlito looks behind him at the guy and smirks. He then walks over there and looks left, and then right, before he stares at him in the face.

" Carlito says keep da' car... You need it more than me.. Dat car ain't cool... and you ain't either, CM Punk ... Wanna-Be.. And you know what Carlito does to people .. who want to be CM Punk? "

The guy has no clue what Carlito is taking about. He's quite confused, too.

" Uhh I don't know what the fuck a CM Punk is but what do you do? "

" Carlito does this ... "

Carlito bites into the apple... He chews it some and looks to the left..... And then back at the guy, spitting in his face!! Carlito speaks....

CARLITO SPITS IN DA FACE OF PEOPLE WHO DON'T WANT TO BE COOL

Carlito grins and takes another bite of the apple as he turned back around and walked out of the gas station. The camera then fades out slowly.


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